Across the table where I eat my breakfast hangs a
mirror. I use it mostly to check my
lipstick before walking out the door for the day but this morning I watched
myself eat breakfast. An interesting
process. I’m told to lose weight one
should eat in front of a mirror. In
obvious why - I don’t know of a single person who looks attractive when they
eat. (How Hardy’s has mastered this with
their seductive and sexy double bacon burger commercial is beyond me)
I’ve never really had self-confidence or body image concerns. I consider myself of average build. I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I’m
ok with that. I work out and overall,
feel good with what I’ve got! This hasn’t
always been the case.
Several years ago, while in Divinity School, I had the privilege
of studying in Thailand. There I was
known as a fat farang. (Farang is slang
for Westerner) Most Thai people are very petite, they are shorter and their
frame smaller than most Westerners. An
average Westerner looks ginormous next to an average Thai! Before I go any further, it’s important for
me to note that such a term is purely descriptive. Thais are not intentionally being rude. If a Thai were to describe me – they would
sincerely say – I am a fat farang, with brown hair, green eyes, and a nice
smile. Nonetheless, when repeatedly
hearing this description day after day, month after month – it began to take
root inside of my core. I remember
praying each day that I wouldn’t meet a new person who would choose to
highlight this particular trait of mine. Over time I started questioning my own
beauty inside and out. I tried to lose
weight –in healthy and unhealthy ways.
(Even if I was stick figure thin – I would still be larger than most
Thai people!)
It’s been 10 years since I spent time in the gorgeous
country of Thailand. I have wonderful
memories of friends, good food, and large amounts of Thai whiskey. Thailand taught me the beauty of alone time
and truly loving myself.
This morning, while occasionally gazing up at myself in the
mirror, I quickly noticed that smiling makes me look 10 pounds thinner!
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